"You know that birch switch that hangs by itself on the wall in the punishment room? Do you think that would leave blister-welts on someone?" I stared...up into the clouds as if in deep thought.She stopped reading. I could feel her stare. Although our relationship had developed a closeness that permitted much play and back and forth foolish interaction, she was aware of a cruel side in me that kept her watchful."I would not know, but I think someone would have to be particularly sadistic to use. I recall it so clear, as we left class I threw the question. “Zoe ughhh, do you mind if I ask you something before you go?” I mumbled without showing my nervousness. She turned and smiled, “sure what’s up?”. Her eyes met my own and my heart pulsated into my ribcage. I scanned the room quickly and made sure we were alone. “I really want to get to know you outside of school” I said calmly. She made an awkward nod and failed to maintain eye contact. I continued, “I’d like to take you out to a. Main iska kuch kar sakti hu par tumko promise karna hoga.” Main bola ki promise bhabhi. Fir bhabhi boli ki, “Tum 1 minute wait karo Main darwaza lock kar ke aati hu.”Bhabhi darwaza lock kar ke aayi. Aur mera pass aakar baith gayi aur mujhe apni capri nekal na ke liye bola. Mujha thodi sharam aa rahi thi to, “Bhabhi ne meri capri khud hi nekal di. Aur mera underwear bhi.”Bhabhi boli, “Tera lund to bohut badaa hai.” To bhabhi na mera lund ko pakda to mera lund aur bhi tight ho gaya. Bhabhi na. I wear a mask of contentment that grows weaker; my smile however happy it may appear is a charade- a fake twitch of the muscles for my audience. I feel angry, I feel unworthy, I feel caged and I feel empty. These emotions make me want to break free — to leave this life in search of another for nothing I or anyone else does makes me feel truly happy and conflict free. To fill the gap I harbour in my soul seems pointless — neither family member nor any person on this earth can change the way I.
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