“You need to pay close attention to me and when I nod my head start singing the phrase ‘A-wee ma-weh’ over and over,” I explained to my rapt a...dience.We practiced the beat, timing, and volume; and when they had it down, I told them to stop until I nodded at them. I started playing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight.” I nodded a few bars into the opening, and they started up the “A-wee ma-weh” background. I played it through twice, which was about all my normal tenor/baritone voice could handle in that. This latest encounter though, was completely unexpected. My cousin Andy stopped over the house to watch football one Saturday evening. He is 20 years old and kind of built like an offensive lineman but with a boyish face. He has had girlfriends in the past but he is definitely more into sports right now. Liz has always watched over Andy growing up, making sure he made the right decisions with school and sometimes she was there to help with his girlfriends which lately have been few and far. He was armed with a large brown parcel and a clipboard filled with bureaucratic nonsense. The man successfully butchered my surname just like everyone else while asking if I was the correct recipient. Finally! Fuck yes! is what I thought, though what I actually said was, ‘Yup, that’s me.’ My hands were so slick and clammy from the excitement that I nearly dropped the pen and clipboard as he passed them to me. I hastily scribbled a signature that looked nothing like my own, thanked the. Even the questions were fairly tame, though I did have to admit to having sex with twelve different girls.”“Fourteen,” Jennifer interrupted, “fifteen if you count Kathy.”“Whatever. Anyway, Bethany had to say she wasn’t a virgin, but was actually happy about that and I got credit for it. Kathy had to admit to her crush and that her first choice for turn-about was me. We had cake and then about half the crowd left. We were chatting in the basement and one thing led to another and Katy Splowinski.
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