Her eyes were supposed to show anger, but he could see the genuine vulnerability - and a hint of arousal. Ben smirked at the cheerleader before him, a...picture of sexuality, really, her arms tied tightly behind her back, her legs spread & tied to each separate leg of the chair she was bound to, a makeshift gag wrapped around her mouth, not through it, & of course - her cheerleading uniform intact. The brunette twisted nervously on the seat, her bare feet flexing as they tried to flatten on the. Brian frowned. "Are you feeling all right, Derek?" he asked."I think I'll get back to the office." He stood up left the wine bar,Brian staring after him.He didn't go straight back to the office. He thought he had probablyembarrassed himself and was being ridiculously oversensitive, but he wastoo angry with Brian to care. He hugged himself for a moment and felt abit steadier. He was standing outside a jewellery shop.We got you something yesterday. How about we take a look in here today?he said. It helped to write it out in detail. It clarified some of the thinking I'd had to do on the fly when actual events had been unfolding.Time had helped me as well. It gave me a chance to put some things into perspective. I had given myself an opportunity to experience three of the possibilities my recent decisions had brought into play; Life without Joyce, life without Brenda and Emily, and life without any of the wives. By the time I returned to Birmingham, even though I hadn't found any. Ididn't feel like a female. As if my mind had somehow separated fromits female self when I became sexually active. If the death match wason, the clear winner during sex was the male half, there was no denyingit.This brought some troubling questions to my mind. If I chose to trulylive as a woman would this happen all the time? During sex would thecarefully cultured woman disappear in a moment of sexual arousal? Whatwould happen once I changed my body? Would my mind freak out abouthips I.
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